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Dealt a bad Hand

As lawyers, you’ve all had ungrateful clients. Clients who didn’t appreciate your efforts, didn’t listen to your advice, and so on.

But no client, perhaps, has been more ungrateful and downright rude than Ricky Hand, 46, of Springfield, Ohio.

According to reports from local media and The Associated Press, Hand, a serial armed robber who was out of prison just six months before his latest arrest, is facing more charges after flinging poop at his defense attorney.

Hand had just received a 40-year sentence for robbing several bars at gunpoint and was none too happy.

“Did you just give me 40 years, sir?” Hand asked the judge. “You just gave me 40 years. Well guess what.”

That’s when Hand reached into an arm sling he was wearing, removed a pill bottle full of pee and poop, and threw it on his lawyer, who is not named.

The lawyer employed evasive measures and Hand was quickly subdued by courtroom deputies, though they must have gotten gassed to some degree, because Hand has been charged with five counts of harassment with bodily substance.

Hand, who sports a fitting sh*t-eating grin in several booking photos, apparently concealed the vials of vile in his sling and pants before entering the Clark County courtroom, presumably anticipating a not-so-favorable outcome.

An investigation has been launched to determine how this security breach happened. Sheriff Gene Kelly said anyone going before a judge should be patted down, but court officials told local reporters that it’s not common practice to shake down inmates coming straight from jail.

It’s unclear whether those officials are aware that contraband sometimes resides in jails. What if the pill bottle was a shank?

An old adage that has stuck with this Sidebar reporter through the years goes like this: Lessons not learned in blood are soon forgotten.

Here’s to hoping that it won’t take bloodshed, that a poop shower is a sufficient reminder that frisking folks who may have animosity toward court personnel and the wherewithal to commit bad acts might not be the worst idea ever.

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